Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Pampered Kids
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Pampered Kids
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Pampered Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Pampered Kids
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Pampered Kids
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Pampered Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Pampered Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Pampered Kids
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Pampered Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Pampered Kids
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Pampered Kids
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Pampered Kids
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Pampered Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Pampered Kids
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Pampered Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.