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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Parent Behavior
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Parent Behavior
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Parent Behavior
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Parent Behavior
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parent Behavior
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Parent Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always produces much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parent Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parent Behavior
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling under it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Parent Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Parent Behavior
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Parent Behavior
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parent Behavior
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parent Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parent Behavior
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Parent Behavior
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