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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parent Blogs
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Parent Blogs
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Parent Blogs
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Parent Blogs
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parent Blogs
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Parent Blogs
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parent Blogs
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parent Blogs
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Parent Blogs
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must want to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Parent Blogs
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parent Blogs
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parent Blogs
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parent Blogs
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parent Blogs
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Parent Blogs
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.