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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parent Book
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Parent Book
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Parent Book
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Parent Book
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parent Book
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Parent Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parent Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parent Book
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Parent Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Parent Book
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parent Book
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Parent Book
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Parent Book
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parent Book
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Parent Book
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.