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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parent Conference
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Parent Conference
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parent Conference
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Parent Conference
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parent Conference
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Parent Conference
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parent Conference
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parent Conference
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Parent Conference
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Parent Conference
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parent Conference
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Parent Conference
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parent Conference
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parent Conference
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Parent Conference
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