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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parent Courses
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Parent Courses
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parent Courses
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Parent Courses
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parent Courses
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Parent Courses
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Parent Courses
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parent Courses
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Parent Courses
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Parent Courses
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parent Courses
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parent Courses
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parent Courses
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parent Courses
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Parent Courses
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