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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parent Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Parent Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Parent Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Parent Discipline
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parent Discipline
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Parent Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Parent Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parent Discipline
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Parent Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to give first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Parent Discipline
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parent Discipline
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Parent Discipline
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Parent Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parent Discipline
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Parent Discipline
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