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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Parent Kid
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Parent Kid
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Parent Kid
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Parent Kid
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parent Kid
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Parent Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parent Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to become the mommy or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parent Kid
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Parent Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Parent Kid
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parent Kid
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Parent Kid
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parent Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parent Kid
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Parent Kid
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.