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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Parent Positive Influences
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Parent Positive Influences
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parent Positive Influences
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Parent Positive Influences
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parent Positive Influences
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Parent Positive Influences
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Parent Positive Influences
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parent Positive Influences
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Parent Positive Influences
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Parent Positive Influences
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parent Positive Influences
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Parent Positive Influences
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parent Positive Influences
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parent Positive Influences
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parent Positive Influences
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