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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parent Strict
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parent Strict
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Parent Strict
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Parent Strict
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parent Strict
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Parent Strict
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Parent Strict
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parent Strict
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Parent Strict
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Parent Strict
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parent Strict
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Parent Strict
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parent Strict
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parent Strict
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Parent Strict
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