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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Parent Teacher Student Conference
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Parent Teacher Student Conference
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Parent Teacher Student Conference
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Parent Teacher Student Conference
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parent Teacher Student Conference
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Parent Teacher Student Conference
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parent Teacher Student Conference
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mama or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parent Teacher Student Conference
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Parent Teacher Student Conference
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to want to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Parent Teacher Student Conference
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Parent Teacher Student Conference
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parent Teacher Student Conference
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parent Teacher Student Conference
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parent Teacher Student Conference
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Parent Teacher Student Conference
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.