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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Parental Advice Author
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parental Advice Author
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Parental Advice Author
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Parental Advice Author
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parental Advice Author
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Parental Advice Author
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always generates better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parental Advice Author
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parental Advice Author
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Parental Advice Author
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Parental Advice Author
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parental Advice Author
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parental Advice Author
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parental Advice Author
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parental Advice Author
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parental Advice Author
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.