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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parental Beliefs
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parental Beliefs
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Parental Beliefs
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Parental Beliefs
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parental Beliefs
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Parental Beliefs
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Parental Beliefs
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also extra typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parental Beliefs
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Parental Beliefs
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Parental Beliefs
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Parental Beliefs
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Parental Beliefs
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Parental Beliefs
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parental Beliefs
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parental Beliefs
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