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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parental Book
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Parental Book
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Parental Book
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Parental Book
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Parental Book
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Parental Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parental Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parental Book
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Parental Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Parental Book
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parental Book
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Parental Book
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Parental Book
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parental Book
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Parental Book
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.