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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Parental Strictness
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Parental Strictness
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Parental Strictness
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy child development Parental Strictness
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parental Strictness
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Parental Strictness
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Parental Strictness
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parental Strictness
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling below it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Parental Strictness
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we should want to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Parental Strictness
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parental Strictness
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Parental Strictness
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Parental Strictness
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parental Strictness
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Parental Strictness
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