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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Advice Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Parenting Advice Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Parenting Advice Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Parenting Advice Discipline
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Advice Discipline
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Parenting Advice Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Advice Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Advice Discipline
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Parenting Advice Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Parenting Advice Discipline
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting Advice Discipline
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Advice Discipline
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Advice Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Advice Discipline
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Advice Discipline
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