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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Advice Websites
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Parenting Advice Websites
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Advice Websites
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Parenting Advice Websites
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Advice Websites
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Parenting Advice Websites
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Parenting Advice Websites
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parenting Advice Websites
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Parenting Advice Websites
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Parenting Advice Websites
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting Advice Websites
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Advice Websites
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Parenting Advice Websites
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Advice Websites
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting Advice Websites
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.