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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Aid
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Aid
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Aid
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Parenting Aid
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Aid
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Parenting Aid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Aid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parenting Aid
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Parenting Aid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we must be willing to offer first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Parenting Aid
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting Aid
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Aid
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting Aid
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Aid
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Parenting Aid
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