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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting An 8 Year Old
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Parenting An 8 Year Old
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parenting An 8 Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Parenting An 8 Year Old
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting An 8 Year Old
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Parenting An 8 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Parenting An 8 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting An 8 Year Old
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Parenting An 8 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we should agree to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Parenting An 8 Year Old
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parenting An 8 Year Old
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parenting An 8 Year Old
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting An 8 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting An 8 Year Old
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Parenting An 8 Year Old
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