Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting And Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Parenting And Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Parenting And Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Parenting And Discipline
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting And Discipline
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Parenting And Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting And Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Parenting And Discipline
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling below it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Parenting And Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Parenting And Discipline
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Parenting And Discipline
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parenting And Discipline
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting And Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting And Discipline
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting And Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.