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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting And Spanking
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Parenting And Spanking
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Parenting And Spanking
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Parenting And Spanking
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting And Spanking
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Parenting And Spanking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting And Spanking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting And Spanking
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Parenting And Spanking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Parenting And Spanking
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parenting And Spanking
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parenting And Spanking
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting And Spanking
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting And Spanking
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting And Spanking
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.