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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Behavior
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Parenting Behavior
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Behavior
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development Parenting Behavior
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Behavior
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always produces far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parenting Behavior
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Parenting Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we must be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Parenting Behavior
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Behavior
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Behavior
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Parenting Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Behavior
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting Behavior
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.