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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Behaviours
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Parenting Behaviours
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Behaviours
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Parenting Behaviours
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Behaviours
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Parenting Behaviours
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Behaviours
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Parenting Behaviours
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Parenting Behaviours
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we have to want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Parenting Behaviours
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parenting Behaviours
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parenting Behaviours
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting Behaviours
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Behaviours
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting Behaviours
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