Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Books For Moms
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Books For Moms
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Books For Moms
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Parenting Books For Moms
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Books For Moms
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Parenting Books For Moms
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting Books For Moms
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to become the mama or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parenting Books For Moms
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Parenting Books For Moms
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we should want to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Parenting Books For Moms
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Books For Moms
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parenting Books For Moms
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Books For Moms
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Books For Moms
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Parenting Books For Moms
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.