Parenting Choices – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

Parenting Choices
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Choices

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Parenting Choices

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Choices

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Parenting Choices

Parenting Choices

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Given his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Choices

Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Offering your children whatever they want Parenting Choices

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than forced control.

Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Choices

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to become the mom or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her full potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Choices

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling under it

• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Parenting Choices

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we should agree to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Parenting Choices

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Parenting Choices

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Choices

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Choices

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Choices

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Choices


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!