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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Classes Free
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Parenting Classes Free
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Parenting Classes Free
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development Parenting Classes Free
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Classes Free
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Parenting Classes Free
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Classes Free
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parenting Classes Free
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Parenting Classes Free
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Parenting Classes Free
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Classes Free
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Classes Free
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Classes Free
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Classes Free
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Classes Free
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.