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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Classes Pittsburgh
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