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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Coach
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Coach
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Coach
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Parenting Coach
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Coach
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Coach
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Coach
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Parenting Coach
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Parenting Coach
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Parenting Coach
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Coach
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Parenting Coach
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Coach
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Coach
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Parenting Coach
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