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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Development
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Development
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Parenting Development
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development Parenting Development
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Development
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Development
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Development
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Development
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Parenting Development
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Parenting Development
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Development
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Development
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Development
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Development
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Development
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