Parenting Disagreements – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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Parenting Disagreements
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Disagreements

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Parenting Disagreements

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Disagreements

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development Parenting Disagreements

Parenting Disagreements

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Disagreements

Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they want Parenting Disagreements

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Disagreements

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mom or dad you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Get to the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parenting Disagreements

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling below it

• A lot of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Parenting Disagreements

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Parenting Disagreements

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Disagreements

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Parenting Disagreements

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting Disagreements

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Disagreements

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Parenting Disagreements


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