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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Events
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Parenting Events
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Parenting Events
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Parenting Events
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Events
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Parenting Events
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting Events
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Events
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Parenting Events
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Parenting Events
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parenting Events
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Parenting Events
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Events
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Events
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting Events
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.