Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always generates better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting For A Peaceful World Cite APA
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.