Parenting For Peaceful World – How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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Parenting For Peaceful World
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting For Peaceful World

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Parenting For Peaceful World

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Parenting For Peaceful World

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Parenting For Peaceful World

Parenting For Peaceful World

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting For Peaceful World

First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant misbehavior

• Giving your children everything they want Parenting For Peaceful World

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.

Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-control

• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Parenting For Peaceful World

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a couple of the methods Amy shares to help you to come to be the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Parenting For Peaceful World

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling underneath it

• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.

• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Parenting For Peaceful World

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Parenting For Peaceful World

This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting For Peaceful World

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Parenting For Peaceful World

Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting For Peaceful World

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting For Peaceful World

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting For Peaceful World


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