Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Lesson
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Lesson
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Parenting Lesson
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Parenting Lesson
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Lesson
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Parenting Lesson
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always produces better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Lesson
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parenting Lesson
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Parenting Lesson
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to want to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Parenting Lesson
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Parenting Lesson
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Parenting Lesson
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting Lesson
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Lesson
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Lesson
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.