Parenting Lessons – How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Parenting Lessons
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Lessons

There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Parenting Lessons

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Lessons

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Parenting Lessons

Parenting Lessons

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Lessons

Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Providing your children whatever they want Parenting Lessons

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always yields better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Lessons

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to help you to become the mother or dad you have actually always wished to be, and help your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parenting Lessons

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling below it

• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Parenting Lessons

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Parenting Lessons

This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Parenting Lessons

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Lessons

Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Lessons

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Lessons

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Lessons


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