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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Manuals
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Parenting Manuals
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Manuals
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Parenting Manuals
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Manuals
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Parenting Manuals
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Parenting Manuals
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Manuals
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Parenting Manuals
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we need to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Parenting Manuals
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting Manuals
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Parenting Manuals
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Manuals
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Manuals
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Manuals
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.