Parenting Method – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Parenting Method
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Method

There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Parenting Method

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Method

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting method.

I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Parenting Method

Parenting Method

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Method

Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Method

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-control

• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Parenting Method

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to become the mommy or dad you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parenting Method

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling under it

• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Parenting Method

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Parenting Method

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Method

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Parenting Method

Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Method

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Method

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Method


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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