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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Online
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Parenting Online
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Online
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Parenting Online
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Online
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Parenting Online
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting Online
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parenting Online
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Parenting Online
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Parenting Online
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Online
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Parenting Online
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Online
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Online
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting Online
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