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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Out Of Control
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Out Of Control
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Out Of Control
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Parenting Out Of Control
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Out Of Control
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Parenting Out Of Control
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Parenting Out Of Control
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also much more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Out Of Control
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Parenting Out Of Control
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Parenting Out Of Control
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Out Of Control
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Parenting Out Of Control
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Out Of Control
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Out Of Control
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Out Of Control
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.