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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Peaceful World
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Parenting Peaceful World
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Parenting Peaceful World
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Parenting Peaceful World
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Peaceful World
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Parenting Peaceful World
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Parenting Peaceful World
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parenting Peaceful World
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion below it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Parenting Peaceful World
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should agree to provide first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Parenting Peaceful World
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting Peaceful World
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Peaceful World
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Parenting Peaceful World
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Peaceful World
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Peaceful World
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