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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Philosophy Books
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Parenting Philosophy Books
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Philosophy Books
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Parenting Philosophy Books
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Philosophy Books
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Parenting Philosophy Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Philosophy Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Philosophy Books
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Parenting Philosophy Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Parenting Philosophy Books
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parenting Philosophy Books
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Parenting Philosophy Books
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting Philosophy Books
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Philosophy Books
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Philosophy Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.