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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Philosophy Definition
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Parenting Philosophy Definition
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Philosophy Definition
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Parenting Philosophy Definition
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Philosophy Definition
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Philosophy Definition
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Philosophy Definition
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parenting Philosophy Definition
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Parenting Philosophy Definition
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Parenting Philosophy Definition
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Philosophy Definition
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Philosophy Definition
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Philosophy Definition
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Philosophy Definition
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting Philosophy Definition
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