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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Resources
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Parenting Resources
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Resources
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Parenting Resources
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Resources
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Parenting Resources
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Parenting Resources
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (as well as more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Resources
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Parenting Resources
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Parenting Resources
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting Resources
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Resources
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Resources
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Resources
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Parenting Resources
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