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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Safe Children
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Parenting Safe Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Safe Children
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Parenting Safe Children
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Safe Children
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Parenting Safe Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Safe Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Parenting Safe Children
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Parenting Safe Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Parenting Safe Children
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parenting Safe Children
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Safe Children
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Safe Children
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Safe Children
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Safe Children
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.