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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Siblings
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Parenting Siblings
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Siblings
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Parenting Siblings
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Siblings
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Parenting Siblings
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting Siblings
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Siblings
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Parenting Siblings
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Parenting Siblings
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Siblings
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Siblings
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting Siblings
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Siblings
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Siblings
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