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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Skills For Teenage Mothers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.