Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Skills Handouts
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Parenting Skills Handouts
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Skills Handouts
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Parenting Skills Handouts
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Skills Handouts
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Parenting Skills Handouts
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Skills Handouts
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Skills Handouts
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Parenting Skills Handouts
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Parenting Skills Handouts
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting Skills Handouts
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Parenting Skills Handouts
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Skills Handouts
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Skills Handouts
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Skills Handouts
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.