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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Solcution|Parenting Solutions
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.