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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Spanking
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Spanking
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Spanking
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy child development Parenting Spanking
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Spanking
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Spanking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Parenting Spanking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parenting Spanking
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Parenting Spanking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Parenting Spanking
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Parenting Spanking
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Spanking
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Spanking
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Spanking
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Parenting Spanking
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