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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Stages
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Parenting Stages
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Stages
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Parenting Stages
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Stages
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Stages
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Parenting Stages
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parenting Stages
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Parenting Stages
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Parenting Stages
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Stages
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parenting Stages
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Stages
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Stages
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Stages
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